We are frequently told about the benefits of creating good habits, in personal areas such as exercising, reading books, as well as professional themes, like choosing priorities, handling social media, etc. Coaches are pretty good at explaining it, because it is easy to define a target, follow up the implementation and check the results (frequently without getting into the root of the problem).
But today I want to talk about the Reverse Power which lies within the habits and I’ll do it with one personal example. But let us first look at what a habit is.
A common definition is “A routine behavior that is repeated regularly and tends to occur subconsciously. It's a pattern of action that a person performs automatically in specific situations,.”
I take four keywords from this definition and their main implications:
Behavior: it can be changed
Regular: we can analyze it
Subconscious: awareness can be created
Automatic: there is always a trigger
One simple way to put it: a habit is something we do right after or right before we do something else without giving it much thought, if any. Example: “After lunch I have a coffee”. But also “I drink my coffee before I brush my teeth.”. Let’s check it:
three behaviors: lunch, drink coffee, brush teeth,
regular as they happen daily or almost,
most of it subconsciously: you think what you’d like for lunch, what kind of coffee you want, but usually not about “having” them.
they come automatically, triggered by previous or future events (hunger, routine)-> lunch -> coffee -> brush teeth -> (start the afternoon)
If you look at it this way, it is quite easy to create a habit. Say, you usually don’t brush your teeth after lunch: remind yourself every day to do it until it becomes automatic.
Now, how about getting rid of habits, even difficult ones? Here the Reverse Power comes into the picture. And with it, my story about how I quit smoking without using pads, medication or anything they try to sell you.
I was quite a heavy smoker, over a pack a day. I knew it wasn’t a good thing, but I got very used to it.
I recognized that it was just a behavior and as such, it could be changed. It was important to have a motivation, though. In my case, the plans to grow a family did it.
I analyzed my habit. It was both unconscious (mostly) and automatic, but there had to be a pattern. I started listing up the times a day I would light a cigarette: after the morning shower, after breakfast, on the way to the station, on the train (there were smoking cars then), before starting work, mid-morning break, after lunch… starting the afternoon I had smoked seven already.
I had now a picture about regularity and the triggers. Just by doing the analysis exercise. Also, it was no longer a subconscious behavior: I had created awareness.
But how to break the habit? I like to approach problems one step at a time, in this case, one cigarette at a time: eliminate one cigarette until I wouldn’t miss it, then go for the next one. Starting with the earliest cigarette and working up to the end of the day. I decided to go for one week abstinence before the next step.
First to go was the “after the shower” one. I missed it for a few days, but when the next week started, I was ready to skip the second of the day. By the time the plan reached the “after-lunch” cigarette, I was not only smoking six cigarettes less a day, I also had increased my skipping rhythm to one every four days.
The ”after-lunch” one was hard, as it involved not only the smoking, but also a coffee and social interaction with colleagues. But that one, and the ones later in the day, were also mastered and I was smoke-free in about three months (and have been since).
In a nutshell:
1. Define the habit you want to get rid of and recognize it is a behavior that can be changed.
2. Analyze this behavior, find regularities and triggers, become conscious about it.
3. Draw up a plan on how to approach its elimination (I went one step at a time, but your specific personality and situation might lead you to a different approach).
4. Follow your plan, improve it where possible and don’t give up.
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